The alarm clock rang for the fourth time. A sleepy hand turned it off. With sleep still lingering in Shifa’s eyes, she walked to the bathroom.
With her hair slightly wet on one side, Shifa came out while patting her face with a towel. She removed the curtains and let the morning sunshine enter her little one-room flat.
There were still boxes left to unbox in one corner of the small room. Shifa took out a round box from her small fridge. Her mother gave her some uncooked roti. She went to the kitchen corner and quickly prepared breakfast. Two rotis and an omelette.
Her ironed work clothes were hanging in front of her cupboard. After finishing breakfast, Shifa quickly changed into her work clothes and hung her nightdress on the hanger.
A few makeup items were scattered on the nightstand. Shifa was standing in front of the mirror stuck on the wall, applying the final touch of a beautiful nude lipstick to complete her office look.
Shifa’s phone rang loudly on the nightstand. A picture of Shifa standing with her mother wearing her graduation cloak became visible on the screen. She quickly grabbed it.
‘Hello, Ammu?’ Shifa answered the phone while putting her makeup items back in the box.
‘Hello, Shifu? Have you woken up yet? It’s your first day at the office!’ Shifa’s mom shouted from the other side.
‘I woke up, had breakfast, and got ready too. I was about to leave.’
‘That’s good. I’m not there, so you’ll have to be responsible for yourself now.’
‘Yes, Ammu.’ Shifa walked to the open window and watched her small spider plant dancing in the gentle breeze. She took the water spray from the side and sprayed some water on it.
‘Put the food boxes back in the fridge after eating. And always check the smell before you eat. Don’t eat spoiled stuff. You’ll fall sick. I’m not there.’
‘Yes, yes. I’ll have to leave now. Or I’ll be late.’
‘Hurry up then! Why are you talking to me!’ Shifa’s mom quickly cut the call.
Shifa looked at the photo that she saved in her mom’s contact. A smile curled on her lips. She grabbed her bag and left the house.
The dark room lit up, and Shifa dragged her tired body inside her small room. She put the bag on the chair and walked to the fridge. She took out some frozen food boxes.
Shifa came out of the bathroom in her nightdress, wrapping a towel around her head. She went straight to the kitchen and put a small pot on the stove. She made herself some milk tea. Lots of tea power, lots of milk, and a little sugar—exactly how Shifa loved it. She took a sip, and a proud smile covered her face.
‘Perfect!’ She murmured.
Shifa walked to the bed with the tea mug. She took the book lying on her nightstand and started to read it while sipping the tea.
After a while of relaxing, she went to heat the food.
Shifa checked the clock. It was 10 pm already. Soon her phone rang. It’s her mother.
‘Hello, Ammu?’
‘Hello, Shifu? Have you had dinner?’ Her voice was full of concern.
‘Just finished eating. What about you and Abbu?’
‘We have eaten too. How was the first day at the office? Was everyone friendly to you?’
‘Yeah, everyone was very friendly.’ Shifa switched off the light and went to bed while talking to her mom.
Shifa’s eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness of the room. She stared at the ceiling. The lack of sleep after a tiring day wasn’t something she was fond of. She slowly took her phone and browsed through social media.
She wrote in a community, ‘How to adjust as a new resident in the city?’ Soon, a few comments came in there. She read through the comments.
One of the comments said, ‘Going through the same. Can I DM you?’
Shifa typed some messages with a faint smile on her lips. Before she realized it, the night behind her curtains turned into dawn.
The alarm clock rang for the second time. Shifa turned it off and headed to the bathroom.
She took some bread from the packet and started to toast it. She made an egg and started to eat her breakfast.
Her work clothes hanging on the cupboard looked a little wrinkled. Shifa changed into her work clothes and put on the shoes.
Her phone rang. It’s her mom. She walked to the window while talking.
‘Why didn’t you call back last night?’ Ammu complained.
‘I was late for work. I had to go out of the city for a project survey. Came around 12. I thought you fell asleep.’
‘How did you come alone that late?’
‘One of my colleagues dropped me. I got to go now, Ammu. I will call you later.’ Shifa quickly sprayed some water on her spider plant. It had grown a lot more than before.
The dark room lit up. Shifa walked in tiredly. She sat on the armchair and looked around the room. It looked too lonely.
Shifa’s mobile beeped a message. She looked at the screen and smiled while replying to it.
Shifa was cutting some vegetables while standing at the kitchen counter. She stirred the vegetables and put some leftover rice in it.
She sat in front of her laptop with the plate. Her eyes carefully scanned through the screen to find something to watch while she ate. After a few minutes, she finally found something to watch. A movie she had watched just a few weeks ago. She started to eat while repeating the dialogue in her head.
The mobile screen was the only light source in the dark room. Shifa’s smiling face was visible in that small light as she typed messages.
Shifa was packing her bags happily. A big luggage and a side bag. Her phone rang. It’s her mother.
‘Hello, Ammu?’
‘Hello, Shifu. Where are you?’ Ammu asked.
‘I’m still at home.’
‘You’ll be late! What if you miss the bus?’ Ammu scolded.
‘The bus is on 11. I still have time.’
‘Come fast! I am making ‘Chepa Pitha’ for you.’
Shifa put on the warm coat. She took the bags and happily left the house.
The curtains on the window moved a little when Shifa closed the front door. She tiredly dragged the bags in. Two in her hands and one hanging from her shoulder.
She put the bags down and walked to the window. She opened the window, and the room lit up in the sunshine. She leaned on the window and scanned through her small room. It looked sad and lonely. And so did her eyes.
She looked at the side of her spider plant. A mild smile covered her lips. She took the water spray and sprayed some water on it.
‘Look at you, Spidi. You have grown up so much, beautiful lady. I should get you married now!’ Shifa giggled while talking to her plant.
The curtain was moving in the morning soft breeze. Shifa quickly put the wet clothes on the drying rack and ran to the bathroom to keep the bucket. She took a quick shower and came out of the bathroom.
She hummed an old Bengali romantic song while getting ready in front of the mirror. She was wearing a beautiful red saree. Shifa fixed her open hair and looked in the mirror.
‘Something is missing.' She murmured with a smile.
She took the small black tip stuck on the mirror and put it in the middle of her forehead. She smiled at the mirror and left the house.
The dark room lit up. Shifa walked into the room with a bouquet of flowers and a big transparent balloon with LED lights inside it. She put the flowers in a glass mug full of water and stared at them for a while.
Her mobile beeped a message. It said, ‘Have you reached home safely?’
A smile curled on Shifa’s lips. She took the mobile and sat on her armchair. She kept typing and smiling at the mobile screen without changing her clothes or getting freshened up.
Shifa took her phone and stared at the last three messages sent by her. There were no replies. Shifa signed and walked away from the window.
Shifa was lying on the bed in the darkness. Her tired eyes were numbly staring at the mobile screen as she was scrolling social media. She checked her inbox a few times to see if there were any replies, but none.
Shifa woke up to the alarm and left for the office after getting ready.
The dark room lit up. Shifa walked into her room and frustratedly dumped the bag on the floor. She sat on the floor and started to cry.
The alarm clock was ringing nonstop. Shifa tiredly opened her eyes. Her face seemed puffy and red. She tiredly looked around with her half-closed eyes. She turned the alarm clock off and tried to sit up, but failed. She breathed hot air from her mouth.
She somehow managed to type a message to her manager about taking a day off. She put the mobile beside her pillow and closed her eyes again.
Shifa opened her eyes and looked around the dark room. Her face was still red and puff,y but she seemed a bit better than before. She sat on the bed and looked around the lonely room.
Her stomach growled. She was feeling extremely tired. She took the phone and saw a few missed calls from her mom. She unlocked the phone, and the first thing that popped up on her screen was a blocked inbox. She stared at the ‘You can’t reply to this conversation’ text for a while.
Shifa put the mobile down. A few drops of tears fell on the blanket and quickly dissolved in its thickness, leaving the dark marks of salty water.
Shifa dragged her sick body out of the bed. She walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. There were some leftover bread rolls. She took the packet out and started to chew one of them.
She walked to the window and opened it. The night sky looked lonely without a single star on it.
The small spider plant had grown a lot, but there were yellow marks on its leaves. Shifa chewed the cold bread that tasted like dust while staring at it. She numbly stared at the yellow marks. A few signs of leaves drying caught her eye. Shifa felt a choking feeling as she tried to swallow the dry bread. Tears started to fall from her eyes.
Her phone vibrated. It was her mom. She stared at the screen until the call cut off after vibrating for a while.
A ray of sunshine was coming through the closed curtains. Shifa was reading some old texts on her mobile, lying on the bed. She numbly stared at the mobile screen.
Shifa put a post in the community, ‘Ghosted by the man I love.' Soon, a lot of comments came in. Shifa scanned the comments with her numb eyes.
One of the comments said, ‘Had the same experience. Can I DM you?’
Shifa stared at the comment for a while and then deleted her post.
There were a few messages from her mom, too, asking about why she wasn’t picking up her phone these days and if she was doing okay.
Shifa put the mobile down and stared at the ceiling. The fan was moving at a moderate speed. Her eyes were numbly watching it move. The sides of her eyes were browner than before.
The alarm clock started to ring loudly. It sounded louder than on other days to Shifa. She turned it off and got out of bed.
Shifa put a pan on the stove and stared at it for a while. She put the pan aside and walked away.
Her work clothes were somehow hung on the cupboard. Those were wrinkled and had food stains. Shifa took the water spray and tried to clean it.
‘I forgot to wash it.’ Shifa murmured.
It was raining outside. Shifa quickly closed the window, but rainwater splashed inside before that. She noticed the spider plant’s pot being filled with rainwater. It had many dried leaves too. Shifa stared at the dried leaves numbly for a while. Then she walked away without cleaning it.
The dark room lit up. Shifa walked inside, exhausted. She let her body fall on the bed. Her tired eyes stared at the ceiling. The skin around her eyes looked browner than ever. She had lost many pounds. Her skin looked dry and pale. She closed her eyes and listened to the white noise of the fan mixed with the sound of the busy city street. Before she realized, she fell asleep.
Shifa woke up to the phone’s ring. It’s her mother. She received the phone.
‘Hello, Shifu? Why weren’t you taking my calls? Is everything okay?’ Ammu asked concernedly.
Shifa didn’t reply and silently listened to her mother’s voice.
‘Hello, Shifu? Are you there? Why aren’t you talking? I’m getting worried.’ Ammu panicked.
‘Ammu—I miss you.’ Shifa’s voice cracked as she spoke. Soon she started to sob, pressing the mobile to her ear. As if she were trying to feel her mom’s warmth through the mobile.
‘Shifu, why are you crying? My love, what happened? Everything will be fine. I am here with you, dear.’ Ammu tried to comfort her.
Every day was the same after that. As if someone put Shifa in the autopilot mood. Her weight decreased, the dark circles enhanced, and she had no appetite.
Her phone vibrated. It was her mom. She picked up the call and pressed the mobile to her ear. A simple ‘Hello’ couldn’t escape her dry mouth due to weakness.
‘Hello, Shifu? Are you feeling better now?’ Ammu asked concernedly.
Shifa took a long pause before she sucked on her tongue to wet her mouth. A small ‘Hum’ came out of her. Barely louder than a whisper.
‘I wish I could come to you. But your father can’t even go to the toilet alone. Who will take care of him if I go there!’ Ammu’s voice cracked as she spoke.
Shifa silently listened to her mother talking about everything she was dealing with.
The morning was unusually gloomy. Shifa sat on her bed, staring at her toes. The spider plant hanging on her window was nothing but dried garbage now. Her tired eyes scanned through the messy room. A pile of dirty clothes in a corner, dirty dishes in the sink, stuff lying here and there.
The alarm clock started to ring. Instead of turning it off, Shifa stared at it for a while.
Her numb face gradually turned angry with each ring of the alarm. She grabbed the alarm clock and threw it at the wall. It broke into multiple pieces. Shifa stared at the broken pieces of the alarm clock. A drop of tears rolled through her cheeks as she hissed in anger.
Shifa entered the home with a package in her hand that her mother sent. She opened the package. There was their family album with a letter.
It said, ‘When you were born, you were so little and sick. Everyone said that you'd die, but you proved them wrong. You were always the best at whatever you did. You are too precious. If anyone makes you feel any less than that, show them whose daughter you are!’
Shifa took the album and went through the pictures. From her birth to her joining. Tears started to roll down her face. She hugged the album and cried aloud.
After long hours of crying, Shifa stood in front of the window. Her eyes numbly watched the starless sky. She glanced at the dead plant that she had neglected for weeks. Only if she had cleaned the water that day and taken care of it when it was showing signs of drying, Shifa thought.
Now it was beyond saving. But she wasn’t. Shifa took a long breath and threw the dead plant in the garbage can.
The dark room lit up. Shifa walked in with a bag full of groceries and put it on the table.
There’s a new alarm clock on the nightstand. Shifa pressed a switch, and fairylights shaped as stars turned on. The sparkling, warm white stars covered the whole room.
A neat and clean room with no dirty clothes or dishes. There was a new small spider plant hanging from her window.
Shifa walked to the kitchen area and started to make some tea. Lots of tea powder, lots of milk, and a little sugar—exactly how Shifa loved it. She took a sip.
‘Perfect!’ Shifa proudly smiled.
Shifa walked to the bed with the teacup. She picked up the book from her nightstand and started to read it while sipping tea.
Shifa took her mobile and called her mother.
‘Hello, Ammu? How are you?’ Shifa greeted her with a cheerful voice.
‘Hello, Shifu? I’m good. Have you eaten?’
‘Not yet—Ammu, how do you make that vegetable curry? I bought lots of fresh vegetables today. I was craving that.’
‘That is very easy. You chop the vegetables into small pieces, then—’ Ammu kept narrating the recipe to Shifa.
Shifa listened to Ammu while sipping the tea. Her eyes fell on her little spider plant dancing in the mild night breeze. Her eyes went far away to the last building she could see from her window.
Back in her head, she knew the alarm would ring again tomorrow, indicating the starting point of her monotonous life. And breaking the clock won’t change it.
But this time she was ready. After all, she didn’t have a choice but to quit. Her mother calling her name brought her back to reality.
‘Shifu, are you there?’
‘Yes, still here.’